The Little Grey Cat

Sometimes I still see you

From the corner of my eye.

When the shadows of night cast long across the hall,

I see your little shadow,

Faded, perhaps just a memory of the joy you brought into my life.

Just a fleeting glimpse of a life long past.

I wish I could feel your silky fur again,

To hear those little content purrs when you curled up in my arms,

To get your little cuddles when you would stretch up,

A paw on each shoulder,

Trying to show affection the same way your humans did to you.

You were one in a million, our little shadow smudge,

We would rub your little nose,

Where your fur created a little rift,

‘Rub the crescent moon for joy and good fortune’

We would say, while you purred at our gentle touch,

And my God, how much joy you gave us.

I remember when you used to wake me up for work,

By demanding we let you under the duvet.

You wanted to cuddle for a while and it made us so happy,

To feel your warmth and your little content purrs.

Yes, you were one in a million.

I wasn’t ready to say goodbye,

I don’t think I would ever have been prepared,

For that day when your little body grew tired,

When your organs began to fail suddenly,

I knew something was terribly wrong when I gave you that food,

And you were no longer the little wendigo,

When your appetite had vanished,

I knew in my heart something wasn’t right but still,

I held on to hope,

Because you were a little soldier, a warrior,

But it was too much for you to bear.

I’m glad I was with you till the end,

That I held you in my arms when the vet prepared you,

When you purred softly, as though you knew,

And you nuzzled my hand with that little nose,

I think you knew, didn’t you?

God, it hurts so badly even recalling that moment,

When those little content vibrations fell silent,

And my world shattered around me.

Even though you were another species, I love you so much,

Despite your steely gunmetal fur, you were vibrant,

You were my little son.

If the pain I feel is the price, I must pay for your friendship,

It’s a price I will gladly pay over and over until the end of time.

Noctis, I hope you knew how loved you were,

How loved you are.